Well, this isn’t so bad. I know they teach us that the afterlife is where we get our final reward as servants of the Blue Oyster, but I wasn’t expecting a bar, you know? This is pretty nice. The music is pretty awesome here. It almost makes up for the shit way that I died.
Where’s my ninety-nine groupies? What? I have to tell you how I died first? Blue Oyster, I just died! Don’t you think I would rather not talk about it?
Okay, fine. I’ll have you know that I died fighting the infernal forces of some squid God.
See, a bunch of my fellow Acolytes had been dying lately and the Vicar told me that I had to investigate it. So me, Bill the Fighter and some Halfling burglar go looking for these assholes that had been killing acolytes. We broke into a sewer hideout, stole some important paperwork and came back to the temple.
Now the paperwork was in some foul language that we couldn’t understand. We went to the Tower of Secrets where the demon humping mages live and we solicited their advice. That give us a runaround but I am impress them with the power of the Blue Oyster and they gave us a tip. The writing is in some code that a local potion maker uses.
I lead our party to the potion shop and tell the counter woman that now would be a good time to confess to her crimes. She tries to tell us that her boss was out of town which might have worked except our burglar who was casing the place saw the guy upstairs. I call her out on her crap and she leads us upstairs.
Here is where the sand hits the oyster. The door opens and there is this evil mage sitting behind a desk. He’s got the robes, he’s got the cackling laugh and he got the wicked goatee thing that evil folks have. I figured out it was a trap right away but my party members figured it out when two guys as big as ogres flank us.
Shit got hairy. I stunned one guard with my mace and the burglar Halfling back stabs him. That’s one down. That is when the freaking demon humping mage threw a spell at us.
Bill the fighter hits the ground snoring. The burglar hits the ground snoring. Even the freaking henchman of the mage starts snoring. It’s just me and the mage.
What did I do? Look, this wasn’t my first adventure. It was my second. I knew I had to get the party up and ready to fight. I gave Bill a savage kick to try to wake him up.
The mage tosses a dagger at me. It goes right into my throat like a chicken bone. I’m spitting blood through a second mouth and every thing starts to go dark. I feel my legs begin to go and I can see my blood spurting out to the ground.
With my dying action, I turn my head so my blood will land on Bill’s face. Now the fighter wakes up. He’s up and I’m dead.
My spirit stands by my body and the party keeps fighting but I am not paying attention. I’m dead. I felt this incredible lightness. I could also hear a cowbell ringing with this fast pace beat. The Reaper was coming and I did not fear the Reaper.
Now someone show me where I go to pick up my ninety-nine groupies.