Here lies those brave Henchmen who gave their lives for a handful of gold.
Homes the Incontinent, Hired by Harry, Bill and Pepto. Cleaved by a Goblin Priest.
Raz the Outlaw Mage, Hired by Bill and Pepto. Poisoned by a Vat of Poison he taste-tested.
"Okay, if I test this, then I claim one of these vats all to myself."
Ernest the Old Timer, Hired by Bill and Pepto. Opener of Several Doors. Ripped apart by two Dire Wolf Pups.
Yor the Fisherman, Hired by Bill and Murva. Stabbed by Goblin Harem Woman.
Otus the Fightr, Found by Bill and Murva. Starved to Death in a Diabolical Wedding party Trap.
"Are we going to keep exploring or are we going to keep making jokes about this damn hole?"
Bern the Ratcatcher, Hired by Imadead and Pepto, Head Bashed in by an Ogre.
"I fear that I may be some sort of non-person playing at the table."
Gideon the Gorgeous, transmogrified golden dragon (for hire, 2 gold a day), slain by a poison blowdart by a halfling savage.
"You should probably run."
Ellis the sneaky thief, hired by Jonn, slain by a Dwarf of the Twisted Gear.
"If I open this chest, I want first dibs on any magic items."
Mitt the sneaky theif, hired by Balls, slain by a Cheese Golem
"That is a lock made by a Guildmaster of the Lock's Guild so I can't open it."
Balthazar the Fighter, Hired by Bill the Mauler, beheaded by a Conch Creature.
"Man, being a Henchmen is tough work."
Eddy the Candlemaker, hired by Balls, arms ripped off by the Conch Creature.
Doug Douglason, not actually a hireling but in fact an insane mage charm-spelled by Mindark, totally eaten by a spider after already being pretty thoroughly fucked up by the party.
"I'm rather horribly wounded here but I guess you can have this potion of cure wounds."
Vladimir Putin, Bad-ass Russian hired by Mindark, head bitten off by the same giant Tarantella Spider.
"Make a note, Vladimir" "Da." (ignores note)
Duncan "Mop & Bucket" Cairn, sniveling torchbearer, beaten up by a werewolf prince and then eviscerated by a vampire concubine, probably roaming the halls of the Sequestrium of Transformative Incantations as a clueless vampire spawn.
Trish Arson the firey, fell in love with the werewolf Thors (or perhaps in lust) only to fall prey to his uncontrollable rage.
The Biscuit Man, died of spider poison. He may have been the best henchman of all.
Carlito the Outlaw Mage, eaten by Sewer Sharks.
"What is that triangle in the water?"