Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A Cleric is Born

I wanted to play a cleric. After years of running D&D games where I had to create and manage semi realistic religions and deities, I wanted to play a cleric where I could make up my religion as I went along.  Since we were playing Basic D&D where they refuse to even name a deity for fear of offending Christians, I felt like I had free license to just have fun with it.

Since I wanted to play a cleric, I also decided that no matter what stats  I rolled, that bugger was going to be a cleric. Think about real life. If someone is good with numbers, he doesn't automatically become an accountant.  Heck, think about your coworkers.  Are they the best suited people for their jobs?   How many people get jobs because that was what their dads wanted them to do or because it was the only one available?  This boy is gonna be a cleric.

So here we go.

Pik the Acolyte

Strength - 9

Well poop.  Nothing special but at least it is not a handicap.

Intelligence - 3

Oh boy.   According to the rulebook, a 3 Intelligence can't read or write.  In fact, you have to have a 4 Intelligence to read and write Common.  We can extrapolate that I can't even read my own mentally handicapped scribblings.

Pik wasn't dropped on his head, he was dribbled.  Oddly, his inability to read and write is the only in-game restriction he has for his low intelligence.  There is nothing about handling math, chewing rocks or walking into walls.

Right now I am thinking this guy is Sloth from Goonies, just not as strong.

Dexterity - 8

I am not surprised that he is clumsy.  Pik has probably ran into a lot of corners.

Wisdom -12

Ummm.  That is still average but it is high average.  He is wise for a mentally damaged person.  So he knows to avoid fire.

Constitution - 10

Nothing special.

Charisma - 16

Of course.  In Basic D&D you don't get much for charisma.  It does mean that this guy is a likable idiot.  He is a very likable idiot religious figure.  He is proof of concept to most atheists.

Instead of Sloth, I am picturing a handsome idiot, like Rick Perry.

To finish off my character I roll my points.  I am hoping for one hit point so I he can die and I can reroll but nope, got a 6.

With a low roll of 80 gold pieces, I spend every single peice for the following equipment.

Chain mail, mace, backpack and Holy Symbol.

That's it.   With his low intelligence, I am guessing his backpack was tied onto him by others.

I also decided that Pik is a follower of the Blue Oyster Cult.  Obviously his charisma helped him get accepted into the order.  I assume his friends did his homework and got him in.  I mean, the guy can't even read the holy texts.  He's handsome though and people like hm.

So why is he adventuring?  I am guessing that adventuring is what low level acolytes do to prove their faith.   I am guessing that his fellow priests gave him a sign that said "Adventurer For Hire" and took him to the nearest tavern.  They told him not to come back until his backpack is full of treasure. 

Blue Oyster help us all.


  1. Rick Perry... You just might die for that one next week. ;-)

  2. I have a feeling that since this is the worse character I have ever rolled, he will easily hit level 10.